Comedy Life

  Most of my internet time is spent on reading, watching, and writing comedy. Oh, and masturbating. Pretty much every comedian that I know who is successful, besides Dave Chappelle, comes from a broken household. I'm the complete opposite of that. My parents have been married for a happy 32 years. They have 4 children including me who all have private school educations and I LIVE IN CONNECTICUT A.K.A. the whitest place on earth. My school is full of extremely wealthy kids. They get brand new Range Rovers for their 15th birthdays and complain it wasn't the color they wanted.
     I sometimes try to focus on things that could possibly make a good sob story for me to use. Maybe like the fact my mom still drives a 2003 Jeep Liberty or that my family only has one flatscreen that's 30 inches. Or maybe that I have an xbox with no xbox live. OH! here's a good one, the fact that my family doesn't have basic cable. We have CBS, NBC, Fox, ABC, all the gay educational channels, and TBS. THE ONLY SOURCE OF FUNNY IS TBS ON MY TV, AND THE WHOLE  CHANNEL IS JUST FAILED TYLER PERRY IDEAS. Sometimes I lie down, home alone, and watch reruns of Ask This Old House. My life is fucking tragic, right?
   When I was 12 or 13, I was really set on being a comedian or a writer of it. There was actually a day that I thought it would actually be a good idea to possibly get my parents to divorce each other. I realized that was really fucking retarded, then I went and made some mozzarella sticks.

My face bro